storms

I love storms, all about them.  The wind the rain the lightning the thunder....

Last night we had take out for dinner, then had movie night. Watched Dumbo and ate popcorn. Was great. The kids loved it, was relaxing. Listening to the rain and the wind. Had a fire going. L snuggled up on my lap, J playing with my hair.

Peace.

Where I live storms are a very frequent occurrence .Hurricane force winds without the hurricane :)

Another memory as this diary thing is working so far.......

Around 10 or 11 years old, Mom's boyfriend, (spoke of him in earlier post) and her get drunk as all hell.  (normal) He decided to flip his shit and accuse her of cheating on him. We live in a trailer park at the time. It is raging storm outside, raining buckets, thunder, the whole 9 yards.
So, in his drunken fit with my mom, he hits her and kicks her and screams yells all that fun stuff I was used to at this point.  So, I run to neighbors and have them call the cops and the crazy fuck comes out with a gun!  So I run for my mom because I am a scared little girl.
I remember I was wearing scooby doo jammies, sister was at my uncles so I didn't have her as I normally would.  Mom tells me to get the fuck away from her.......
Mom is yelling, he is yelling thunder, rain. Then I hear the cop car coming. So I run that way and the bastard shoots at me.  Yeah he really did.
So, I am put in cop car and the cops are calming him, taking the gun.  I don't remember much after that, I couldn't hear any more, couldn't really see anything.

Then......my mom doesn't press charges, he gets a ticket for drunken disturbance or something like that.
I go to stay at my uncles.

It's like it never happened, I remember mom saying it wasn't his fault he never would have really shot me, he didn't mean to hit and kick her.........

J

Tonight my kid made me smile so much.
I cant imagine the little person she is becoming.

J is just a little lady. Through all the drama and shit she stirs

Tonight she just sat on the couch with me coloring pictures. the little things are so big. You don't realize how big they are.  So, we sat and colored for awhile then she 'did' my hair. She talked about school and how she is liking math more this year. About cheer that is coming this week

Then she fought with her brother and all was lost.

Star Over

So, when we first moved here I was 8 years old. Getting ready to start 3rd grade.
I had been to around 8 schools in the previous year, this was supposed to be our settle down place. i was excited.
Mom had told us we were moving to get away from it all and to start over.
I was as excited as an 8 year old could be.
We packed up our lives into a couple trucks with my uncle coming along too. He and my Mom were always close, but we hadn't really spent a lot of time with him.

I remember when we got here, we found a small trailer park.  Nothing much about it, I remember living there for a little while. a few months maybe. I can recall sister and I catching the school bus from the back of the park, we played on the trees. I know there were these neighbor boys that lived a few streets over that we would play with in the lot next door.  We had a tree fort type thing set up and we would jump out of it onto a mattress on the ground.

I do have a few good memories :)

Then we moved to the north end as it is known.............

My Mom had 'met' a guy at the bar one night and he said he managed a trailer park so, of course she jumped at the chance to move with him.............
I will forever remember that first day looking at that trailer and thinking oh this will be great :(

For the next 4 or 5 years we lived in the park, my Mom "fell in love' with said guy.  Cycled right back to where we were in the last town.
Bars every night, being home alone 90% of the time. My life as I knew it.

So that is what I consider one of the absolute worst times in my life is meeting that evil piece of shit that my Mom 'loved'
ruined my life

sensitive?

Wife -
     So, if I skip my workout class tonight, will you show me attention. Show me that you love me?
Huz -
     I do
Wife -
     I know you do, I want you to show me......
Huz -
     Your never home........your gone 4 or 5 nights a week....
Wife -
     Uhhh, twice a week.  2 nights I go to workout.  You've been in the garage every night this week.
So, back to original question. Will you?
Huz -
     I'm sure someone will be stopping by...........




Really dude. I mean really?

hmmm

So, was just thinking again about memories..........................
I really wish I had more, and better ones.  I try and think of some warm and fuzzy things that happened as a kid and I just cant.

I remember when I got bit by a dog when I was 5.  I was playing on the porch of a laundry-mat with a whistle.  There was a dog that was always there. A golden retriever.  I know I blew that whistle in the dogs ear. I can see myself doing this in my mind.  The dog snapped and bit me...right in the eye.  Mom came out screaming and yelling. Now as a mother I cant even grasp what she thought. I'm sure I was covered in blood all over my face.  I remember her flagging down a passing car, that took us to the hospital.

That's the last I recall until little snippets of hospitals and home care.

I remember after a surgery being in my cousins bed all snuggled up and her bringing me snowball. You remember those? Coconut covered puff stuff.  Loved those :)

I remember playing slug-bug with my mom outside the hospital after one trip. I loved that game and really never got much play form mom so I remember that one intensely.

I remember I had a teddy bear. I named him Dominick. The nurses took him and put a patch on his eye just like mine. I carried that damn bear everywhere with me.

I will keep trying to get some memories, some good ones.  I'm sure there are some in there. There has to be......

Those are a few I can recall, I do remember those being good.  I wish I could remember something a bit more substantial though.

Night

Warned ya...... diary like

So,
Huz is cranky and distant like. Nothing overly worrisome as we go through random phases. I cant seem to get him to understand my need for affection. Hugs, kisses. Holding hands. Random loving

Non sexual attention. He is always all about the sex
I can take it or leave it most the time when it comes to sex
I have made a huge conscious effort with this though.

So when I 'offer' it up :) I am far too sensitive when denied

I go and workout twice a week. other than that I am always home. we do have to find different times for sex as kids share a fucking bedroom with us (future post)  he has spent pretty much every night in the garage until after kids are in bed.
Offer again tonight and he decides to mow the damn lawn.......

Ehhh whatever I guess.

Memories...........

So, now that the introduction bullshit is out of the way..............

I'm not sure where to start, I will go with a memory for today.

One of my first memories ever, I was around 5 years old, couldn't of been more as I hadn't had my dog bite on eye yet (later blog post I'm sure)

My Mom worked at a bar, cooking I think. She was always a cook, she always worked at a bar.  My sister and I (2 years older than me) were home alone, this was normal.  Someone knocked on the door and sister answered it.  It was a guy mom had brought home before.  He was drunk asking where mom was. I remember the smell. That nasty nasty whiskey smell.

I remember next mom getting home and he was there in the bedroom with me............
She was drunk...........normal.  She just told me to put my pants on and go to bed.  So I did.
I curled up in sister's bed and went to sleep.

And that was that. My earliest childhood memory.

Hmmmm, beginnings............

I'm not sure why I want to write this. I'm not sure if it's good to write this.  I'm hoping it will be almost therapeutic for me, a diary of sorts....

I guess I will use this as a place to write memories of mine. the good and mostly bad...
I will use it to bitch about my husband :)
and my kids

I hope to use it to compliment them also.

Alright....here we go

I am 32 years old, married to C, have 2 awesome kids.

J is 10 and L is 4.
Live in a tiny ass town you've never heard of, work at a family business.

Basics are done