Been awhile I see
I will take that as a good thing that I havent needed to vent :)
Sadness at times can overwhelm me. Whether it is of my own making. My own thoughts. Do I imagine things to make me sad.
I miss my ex friend so fucking much I cant stand it. Its been almost 4 years since our 'split' and I know that we could be friends again if our husbands could get over their selves. We likely would never be best friends again but at least she would be in my life again.
^^^^^this is all bothering me because she is getting married tomorrow. She was the one who stood for me at my wedding :( I was supposed to be there for her. Her signature adorns my marriage certificate. Mine was supposed to be on hers.
Must get the fuck over it!
My step brother is getting married tomorrow. ........ my sisters are together and there with him and having an amazing time
I was not invited :(
I know it wasnt malicious or even intentional honestly. But me being me. Sensitive ass and
Sad!
Seriously,
I really need to get over myself :(
Friday, July 25, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
Birthdays
I am big on birthdays, overboard crazy big
It's a special day, it's the only day of the whole year that is yours and yours alone
As usual memories of birthdays are scarce. I actually do not remember any birthdays at all except my 11th or 12th and, that is not a fond memory.....................
I throw my kids huge elaborate parties, fun food, fun games, gift bags for their friends. The whole thing. I make sure it is special.
On your birthday I want you to feel special.
In my family kids or husband, on your day I make anything you want for dinner, doesnt matter what it is, it's yours
Husband I always put immense thought into his gift, and make his dinner special, I get him a cake or cupcakes. Anything to make him feel special.
WHY cant I have that feeling on my birthday? I am so damn sad that I dont get anything even remotely close in return. Nothing.
Shit, I talked to my Mom and she didnt even say Happy Birthday.
I am just really fucking sad man.
It's a special day, it's the only day of the whole year that is yours and yours alone
As usual memories of birthdays are scarce. I actually do not remember any birthdays at all except my 11th or 12th and, that is not a fond memory.....................
I throw my kids huge elaborate parties, fun food, fun games, gift bags for their friends. The whole thing. I make sure it is special.
On your birthday I want you to feel special.
In my family kids or husband, on your day I make anything you want for dinner, doesnt matter what it is, it's yours
Husband I always put immense thought into his gift, and make his dinner special, I get him a cake or cupcakes. Anything to make him feel special.
WHY cant I have that feeling on my birthday? I am so damn sad that I dont get anything even remotely close in return. Nothing.
Shit, I talked to my Mom and she didnt even say Happy Birthday.
I am just really fucking sad man.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Death
I am now almost 33 years old and have never lost anybody close to me.
I never had grandparents, so still don't quite grasp that connection and relationship.
I recall when my husband's grandpa passed away, it was only the 2nd time I'd seen him cry. Our daughter's birth being the first.
Today his grandma passed, I have known this woman, have loved this woman. Why do I still not grasp the grief ?
Am I broken? Am I heartless?
Not sure what to be feeling right now.
And, now having to tell my daughter is going to be so damn hard...........
My husband is quiet and heartbroken, I feel so broken for him, for his Mom, for all his family
Sad day
I never had grandparents, so still don't quite grasp that connection and relationship.
I recall when my husband's grandpa passed away, it was only the 2nd time I'd seen him cry. Our daughter's birth being the first.
Today his grandma passed, I have known this woman, have loved this woman. Why do I still not grasp the grief ?
Am I broken? Am I heartless?
Not sure what to be feeling right now.
And, now having to tell my daughter is going to be so damn hard...........
My husband is quiet and heartbroken, I feel so broken for him, for his Mom, for all his family
Sad day
Sunday, January 12, 2014
mature
I remember 9 years old starting my monthly cycles.
I freaked out.
Had no idea what was happening, no idea this was a normal thing.
I truly thought I was dying. Why else would blood be coming out of me 'there'
Sister was there, mom was at work. Sister hadn't even started her period and she was 11. But, she had had health classes so knew what was happening.
Scared is the only way I can describe my feelings.
Since I started so young I figured my daughter would. So, I have discussed it with her many times. She started 'developing' last year some time so was expecting it soon.
Well, yesterday it came. I was at work, she was home with her Dad. My smart mature girl, changed and found a pad and handled herself so well.
So proud that she was able to calmly take care of it as we talked about.
Now, I did have to explain to her the sticky side. She put the pad in without removing the back :)
I freaked out.
Had no idea what was happening, no idea this was a normal thing.
I truly thought I was dying. Why else would blood be coming out of me 'there'
Sister was there, mom was at work. Sister hadn't even started her period and she was 11. But, she had had health classes so knew what was happening.
Scared is the only way I can describe my feelings.
Since I started so young I figured my daughter would. So, I have discussed it with her many times. She started 'developing' last year some time so was expecting it soon.
Well, yesterday it came. I was at work, she was home with her Dad. My smart mature girl, changed and found a pad and handled herself so well.
So proud that she was able to calmly take care of it as we talked about.
Now, I did have to explain to her the sticky side. She put the pad in without removing the back :)
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